My body broke out in rashes suddenly over Sunday night, and they are spreading and looking redder and angrier by the day.
Doc 1 said that it could be chicken pox, but it didn’t blister so that was ruled out.
Doc 2 said it was probably some sort of immune system response to a virus.
I also found out that my resting heart rate is incredibly high at 105. Sigh. I feel so sorry that I have been letting myself get stressed out and not prioritising my emotional well-being.
I thought that as long as I loved my work it wasn’t counted as stress. I guess I can still overwork myself even when it’s something I enjoy.
I’ve got to be more careful from now if I want to see Lorraine get married (if she does). Yes I’m the morbid sort.
Sigh. I hope the rashes subside soon. I really need to start exercising.
2017 was a year of changes.
Lorraine started going to school, after a few weeks of tears and falling sick, grew to love her teachers and friends.
We got a helper, fired her, and got a new one.
I started working full time after taking care of Lorraine 24/7 for 19 months. I rented an office near home for my business.
It passed in another whirlwind, and Lorraine is now 2 😢.
I’ve never been the new year resolution type, but somehow this year I feel like joining in the fun.
Health – I hope to fall sick less often, and feel more energetic.
- Eat healthy home cooked meals.
- Flu shots.
- Seven minute workout daily.
Family – I hope to spend quality time together with Keith & Lorraine, making memories that we will look back fondly on in the decades to come.
- Plan weekly activities.
- Allocate weekday time to spend with Lorraine.
Work – I hope I can finally make my business a business (as opposed to a glorified job), one that doesn’t become crippled once I am not around.
- Hire employee for ops.
- Rent out spare bedroom.
It turns out that in order for my activity plans to work, other than Lorraine being interested the activity, *I* also need to be genuinely having fun. Else it just doesn’t work.
I had grand plans of painting rocks, exploring numbers, but just typing them brings a yawn.
And her idea of play nowadays consists of bringing our pumpkin balloon to me and saying it’s a monster. I have to pretend to be scared and run away from it. For about 50 times.
I just need to plan things that I personally enjoy too.
I’ll find them!
Lorraine is eating her favourite supper snack of peanut butter bread.
She was left with a tiny last piece and passed it to me.
Me: Lorraine you don’t want the bread anymore?
Lorraine: I luv u mummy hehehe.
How is she so sweet. 😭
A recent conversation, while unpleasant, made me think about whether I am doing enough with Lorraine.
I spent 24 hours a day, 7 days a week with her for the first 19 months of her life, but with the arrival of our amazing helper this July, I seem to have swung too far to the other end of the spectrum.
I threw myself into work, for 6 days a week. I still come home for lunch every day, and spend the evening with her, which is more than the time many full-time moms have, but it’s not quite the life I had envisioned.
I guess bonding and connecting, and creating a magical childhood full of precious memories, doesn’t quite happen by chance or coincidence. I guess it requires planning.
And so, plan, I shall. Of all the things I don’t quite excel at, I think I do pretty ok planning things. *looks at 3 page excel spreadsheet for housework schedule*
I planned a lot as a teenager but could never execute my numerous and extensive plans. I lose steam once the planning part ends and the doing part begins. I think 2 years of motherhood has ninja trained me. I can now adult and follow through with my plans pretty well, ha. We’ll finally see if my planning skills are any good at all.
^ Above we have an educational and informative display of a toddler performing CPR on a cat.
Fun fact: This domain wenderella.com is 10 years old. I registered it in 2007 (!), back when I was young and wenderelley, thinking wow an internet diary! That’s cOoL. Back then typing in alternate caps was cOoL.
I blogged about what I ate, what I wore, what I felt, everything, as a 20 year old does. Cringe-worthily, as a 20 year old does, for a few years (!), and then one day I accidentally deleted the entire site. Because I checked a box that I shouldn’t have, when I was trying to upgrade something on the site.
Surprisingly, I pretty much shrugged my shoulders and moved on. And a little while later, I restarted the site when I felt like writing again… and I did it again. Can you believe it. I deleted the site accidentally, again.
And then it happened a third time (good god what’s wrong with me).
… and a fourth. I know, I know.
So. If you ask me honestly, I have no clue when when this site will disappear due to the sheer magnitude of my stupidity and how it amazingly keeps on happening.
But each time I restart I feel an unjustified sense of optimism, that this time I will finally be not stupid. We’ll see.