When I moved, I bought a whole new set of furniture from IKEA. You may be able to guess which piece of furniture I’m going to complain about. (Hint: Refer to title of post.)

So. The bed. The mattress is quote unquote supported by some planks of wood ala the photo below:

In addition to looking extremely flimsy, shockhorror, it actually is.

Countless nights have been rudely awakened by the clanking sounds and a sensation of dropping about 10cm.

You see, dear IKEA somehow made the planks too short to fit into the bed frame, resulting in this:

When this happens (and it does – often), I have to get out of bed, take out the mattress, adjust the planks, and put back the mattress.

The colourful things you see in the photo above are lumps of plasticine/blu tack the mum and I placed in the gaps that the planks were not able to fill, in hope that this will minimize the sliding and dislodging.

Just for kicks, this is how it looks from the side:

Mehs.

I dunno if this happens to everyone (I hope not), but I have moments when…

• I feel the need to stretch every muscle in my body, but even after stretching a lot, I still feel very “unstretched”.
• My shoulders feel unusually tense, and shoulder massages don’t help.
• I feel like I need to c-c-crraaaccckkk my back, but can’t because I don’t know how.
• I want to burp many long, loud, satisfying burps, but never manage to, because they are either not long, loud or satisfying enough.
• I feel a dull, stifling, tight feeling around my chest area, like there’s something stuck there. But obviously there’s nothing.
• I just generally feel very restless and lethargic, like I’m meant to be doing something but can’t figure out what.

Notice that every sensation is punctuated by a helpless inability to do anything about it.

Sometimes there are identifiable triggers, like a large meal (or meals that have curry), a long bus/car/train ride, after I sleep with my head on the table or a long day outside.

But other times, they arise seemingly out of nowhere. They’re like sneaky girlfriend mood swings that terrorize boyfriends of the world, jumping on me when I least expect it.

It makes me want to scream into pillows, gnaw on table legs and go aarrrrggggghhhhh! Not necessarily in this order.

So i went clubbing with 4 other girls. It’s a first! And it’ll probably be the last time. We went Butter Factory for ladies’ night n the queue was so obscenely looooong.

I don’t understand the guys. I would never pay to queue for 2 hours just to watch girls. Wtf? Don’t have internet?

The good:

• Dancing
• Music
• Free alcohol

The really bad:

• Insane queues (as if the queue outside wasn’t enough, we had to queue again to get our free drinks, urgh)
• People stepping on my toes incessantly
• Random dudes inching n grinding closer n closer to us discreetly. I swear they’re like the ninja cat on Youtube.

Anyway, the cons kinda outweigh all the pros, so I doubt I’ll want to club again, unless it’s all free drinks and free entry and no queue.

I bought a fake Coach bag last year, filed a dispute with Paypal in October 2008 (that’s 7 months ago), and after countless phone calls and even more countless promises that “we’re working on it”, no one contacts me and poof, they decide that:

Based on PayPal’s definition of significantly not-as-described, this claim does not qualify for a refund.

Just to let you know, the below is Paypal’s deifinitoin of “significantly not-as-described”, taken from their own website:

The item was advertised as authentic but is not authentic.

How does the fake bag I paid for, listed as “COACH WRISLET TAN AND LIGHT GOLD” , not fall under their bloody definition?

Fucking incompetent, irresponsible, unprofessional company and employees.

The two of us being Centre Managers (fancy name for tin distributor and collector) for Singapore Disability Sports Council’s (SDSC) flag day!